So I thought I would pen a few lines to whomever it was that nicked Dave D’s bike.

I hope you develop a serious case of crabs.

I hope said “case of the crabs” become terminal.

I hope the unbelievable discomfort you suffer due to them is only matched by your surprise when just before you snuff it, your dick falls off in your hand.

You utter f*ckstained horse gobbling dick nibbler.

Right, there we go. Apologies to the sensitive but I’ve made myself feel slightly better. However, yes it true, so if you are offered a highly unusual green Transition Bandit 29er frame or bike, ask for proof of purchase and feel free to contact me or the police.

With the above in mind I noted with interest someone has had a fundamentally good idea about secure bike storage in London – as reported here in “Robotic bike parks ‘future for cycling'”.

Shame they did not have these in London when I lived there – it might have stopped my prized Giant from being stolen from right outside the Police Station where I left it, under their CCTV camera, where it was double chain locked.

They left the chain bits for me though…

I wish a pox on all bike thieves.