Ok, Met Office, enough is enough, I need to have a word about the weather on Sunday 10th.

So there I was, happily ensconced in my favourite seat, favourite coffee mug in hand, full of favourite steaming coffee and I gaze out of the window – it’s not raining!

“Ah-ha” I think to myself. Wife is happy – check, children are happy – check, nothing pressing I need to do – check. Awesome, quick glance at the weather (that’s where you come in Met Office) and head out for a ride. I whipped out the Weather app and oh joyous of celebrations, there is a little “sunny sun” type symbol right there in the middle of the day. Awesome. Time to get in a cheeky ride methinks.

So I did. And it was good fun if the truth be told. AND if I’m honest I clocked the very large lump a dark cloudy type stuff over the Punchbowl before I headed up so I was in fact dressed for the occasion.

But, come on Met Office – just HOW much rain?? Suffice to say the weather was not kind, in fact it was bloody awful adding extra water to the standing water on top of the 8 inch mud piles. Lovely.

However, as I battled hypothermia I took my mind to a happier (warmer) place and concocted a new “TFIT MTB’er weather scale™” which I will share with the Met Office to see if it helps the forecasting process at all…

And Sunday Met Office? I think you’f find that was an “R2 W2 T6”

Rain – “R”
1. Lost at sea
2. “This one is wet” [see: Death Star Canteen – Eddy Izzard]
3. Bit drizzly
4. Lovely
5. Un-moist
6. *cough* – bit dusty that
7. You can see the dust clouds all the way to the pub
8. Surrey or Sahara?
Wind – “W”
1. Phwwwffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
2. Shhhwwwffffwwwssshshh
3. Bit windy
4. Smashing
5. Drone flying weather
6. Still as a ‘startled’ badger
7. Still as a ‘stealthy’ badger
8. Still as a ‘ninja’ badger
Temperature – “T”
1. My balls have melted
2. Unpleasantly sweaty
3. Bit warm
4. Super
5. Time for an extra layer
6. Bit chilly – flap arms, cos that helps so much
7. I can’t feel my face, no really, I can’t feel it…
8. My balls have frozen